Okay, so for those new to anal play, or those curious about trying it, it can be a difficult territory to navigate. Especially for men, it is sometimes hard to gain the trust and acceptance needed to try something considered taboo in their daily life. The truth is, IT IS COMPLETELY NATURAL AND PLEASURABLE! In my early years of being sexually active, I myself felt just like you, clueless on how to approach it and scared to even bring up trying it. After getting over that fear i’ve actually learned I climax faster with anal penetration. In this entry, I will outline what anal play is, its’ different forms, some tips on male and female anal play, and some common myths associated with anal play.

Okay so what is anal play exactly?

Simply put, anal play is any sexual activity involving your tush, including fingering, rimming, fisting, pegging, and penetration. (I will explain what those mean further down). These activities can be done to males and females of any orientation. They can be done with a partner, or on your own.

Fingering & Fisting

Fingering, or using beginner plugs is an awesome way to introduce yourself to anal play. Since both are thinner in diameter, it gives you a chance to experience what it would feel like on a smaller scale. When fingering any part of the body, you should start off slowly, inserting one finger slowly and then slowly moving back out with plenty of lube. As you feel more comfortable you can increase the size of the plug, or the amount of fingers you insert. This also brings us to fisting. This should only be done with plenty of lube, and with someone who has been prepped. You can’t skip from nothing to fisting, just like you can’t expect to run a marathon without training, it just doesn’t work.


Rimming, salad tossing, analingus, they all stand for oral anal sex. The area should be cleaned, and then your partner can proceed to orally stimulate the anus with their lips or tongue. The technique required is very similar to that of going down on a female.


Pegging is when a female uses a strap on to penetrate the anus. You first of course have to buy a strap on harness, and a dildo that fits with that harness, and is the right size for your partner. I highly suggest buying a silicone dildo for this because they are non-porous, and easily cleaned. Buying a cheaper toy made from jelly or PVC can contain harmful chemicals, and can’t be fully sterilized.


Pegging also falls under this topic, but is more specifically when a male penetrates another male or female with his penis. This is done best when you are already warmed up, and have fully relaxed and are comfortable. Again, use generous amounts of lubrication, starting off slowly and working together to have an amazing experience. Don’t be fooled by porno’s where they seem to go hardcore form the first second, thats what fluffers are for 😉
There is one other form called prostate massage which you may have seen in some recent comedies that came out. This should only be done if you are experienced in fingering and your male partner is comfortable. It can be a great way to prevent prostate cancer, and increase the amount of semen he produces when done correctly.


If a straight male engages in anal sex, he will either leave you for a man, or question his sexuality. This is so far from the truth, it should be outlawed as a concern. A straight male having anal sex doesn’t make him gay, and is simply just another kinky way of getting it on. Assuming or accusing your partner of being gay for wanting to try something new will actually cause them to be more self conscious sexually and may cause deeper issues. Lastly, there is nothing wrong with being gay or bi, but shoving something up your butt doesn’t define your sexual preferences, there is no need to question that.

It will hurt/If it hurts the first time it always will. Anal sex, just like vaginal, will usually only hurt if it is done improperly. Like i’ve said previously when starting off small and working your way up it almost never causes pain. If it does hurt, try going slower, a smaller toy, or more lube. If it still feels uncomfortable, or you simply don’t enjoy it, thats fine, continue with your normal routine.

It will cause physical damage or stretch out my anus.First, yes tears can happen. However, they also can happen during vaginal sex. The common cause of sexual injury is either overdoing it, or under lubricating, both of which can be corrected simply by being aware of whats going on and starting slow. Second, for those of you with children, you will be the first to know the amazing capabilities of the vaginal opening. That went back to normal right? The “loosening” some women or men may think they feel is caused by your muscles learning to relax.

Ewww, your butt is so dirty, Why would you put anything up there? Well ladies and gents’, the truth is your anus has very little fecal matter. Yes there is microscopic bacteria so you shouldn’t go from your butt to any other hole in your body without cleaning first, but its not as gross as you’d think. If you want to get super clean, enema’s do a quick job of cleaning the area.


  • To increase pleasure, add other forms of stimulation to the mix. Not all women climax from anal stimulation by itself. Rub your nipples, double up the penetration or massage your clittorus, the possibilities are endless
  • For men, stroking his penis or balls can also add to his experience. Fun fact: rimming your male partner while jerking him off is known as a “rusty trombone”. (look at how much we’re learning today)
  • Don’t let your partner (or yourself if your playing alone) use the same finger to finger different holes. Same goes for anything that goes in your body. Keep cleaners and wipes handy for proper sanitation.
  • Remember to breathe and relax, the more hesitant you are, the more you clench your muscles and then nothing is getting in there. Trust your partner, and trust yourself.
  • Lightly clean the area around your anus before sexual activity. You don’t have to do anything outrageous, a simple pass over with a wet wipe is sufficient.
  • There is no such thing as “to much” lube. The more the merrier! Apply as needed and to insure a pleasant experience, apply to both the toy/penis/etc and around the anus.
  • If using a toy make sure it has a base at the bottom, you don’t want to lose anything back there.
  • Make sure you are you communicate what you want and are okay with, and don’t feel pressured to try something you don’t find pleasurable.
  • You can still get an STI/STD from anal sex so unless you trust your partner, remember to use a condom.


If after all is said and done, you’ve relaxed, tried toys, fingers, rubbing, etc. and you still don’t find it pleasurable, then thats fine. You should know after the first couple of times whether or not this is something you want to pursue in your daily sex life.

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