Review: Fifty Shades of Grey Spank Me Please Spanking Ruler

A spanking ruler? Something I never thought I’d own, but I do and I love it! I want another one – I have my eye on this one from Coco De Mer, so you might see another ruler review in the future. I purchased this back in January and if I’m being honest, it still scares me a little. It’s fantastic, but it’s a force to be reckoned with.

IMG_0450I’d been going back and forth about wanting this for a long time, so when my partner and I started wondering about getting some more intermediate-advanced equipment, the ruler was our obvious choice. Wood seemed like the logical next step as it’s one of the harshest materials to be spanked with alongside silicone. It came very highly recommended to us, so we went ahead and ordered one. At the time I purchased it, it was £7.99 from Lovehoney but they are sadly discontinuing it now (to make room for newer products). However it is still available elsewhere so I will post those links at the end of the review.

When the ruler arrived, I have to admit that I was slightly disappointed with the simplistic packaging. I usually encourage no-nonsense packaging for cheaper items, but everything else from this range has arrived in sleek, particular packaging and it would have been nice to keep the theme throughout. It almost makes the ruler look like an afterthought. It was simply placed inside a plain, plastic packet with a small information guide attached. I would have loved a long bondage bag to keep it in as this picks up dust quite quickly and most of the other products from the range came with some included storage.

IMG_0453What was inside the information guide? There were a few suggestions for use which is written in four different languages, which I’ll admit is pretty cool. It also had a reminder to use safe words and advised to begin with gentle taps, which was great to see, but I think it would be better if the guide included some extra information about aftercare and areas that need to be off-limits. Many people buy these products, so I feel it’s important to make sure everyone has the facts to hand to make sure they can enjoy spanking safely.

This ruler is of excellent quality, it’s made from sturdy and lightweight wood. I was expecting it to be a little heavier, but it’s just the right weight for ease of use. It has measurements printed onto the front in silver just like a regular ruler would have, it has both cm’s and inches. It isn’t exactly accurate or to scale, so I wouldn’t go trying to measure your penis with it, but you could use it as an underlining tool if you felt so inclined. It has ‘Spank me, please… Sir‘ printed at the end of the ruler, again in silver, but this time done in calligraphy and the back of the ruler features the printed Fifty Shades of Grey branding. It’s possible that the print may wear off over time if used excessively, but so far, it’s remained in perfect condition.

cooltext173723770475016Do you like to being spanked to the point of red marks, slight scratches, faint bruises and a slight hint of pain when you sit down? If you answered yes to all of those, you’re in luck. This ruler can provide all of those things with the right amount of pressure and it will definitely leave you with a reminder of the night before. I am really beginning to enjoy pleasurable pain and this ruler certainly provides that, but it also provides an opportunity to potentially get out of my comfort zone if my partner decides to swing too aggressively.

IMG_0452I haven’t used this ruler at the start of a session (and I have no plans to) because there needs to be some soft of warm up first. I like skin on skin contact for a few minutes, followed by a satin and leather dual sided spanking paddle and then I am ready for some gentle taps with the ruler that progress to harder, stronger thwacks. I really enjoy soft flogs in-between thwacks for a cool, soft sensation as this really breaks up the tougher hits. I’ve found this to be the perfect tool to use alongside the ruler. The soft fronds make the next thwack of the ruler feel much more intense. Most of the spanks I’ve received from this ruler have been to my backside, my partner generally alternating cheeks after two to three taps to spread out sensation.

When it comes to spanking, I am well and truly the submissive. My partner is happy to provide the pain as long as we have a safe word, coding system or signal in place first. I haven’t yet had to call my safe word during a session with this implement, but I do often feel very vulnerable to its next hit, so having full trust in my partner is important. I feel safe with the ruler in his custody and rather enjoy the sensations it gives. I do like to have some sweet, loving aftercare when it’s all over though as it’s on the rougher side of things.

IMG_0455I find the hits from the ruler to be much more precise than ones I’ve received from a paddle, because it’s a slimmer, longer implement that’s made from a harsher material. It stings a little more than the Tease by Lovehoney crop, so it’s something I’m glad I worked up too, rather than thinking I could handle it straight away. It doesn’t take much force to get a satisfying sting and an enticing, yet frightening, slapping sound out of this ruler. It’s really easy to use, especially since we have our make-do wrist loop. It’s a super exciting piece of kit to use during sex or role-play and it really gets my heart racing. It’s great for student/teacher scenarios and not just for actual spanking. It can be used as a pointer, prodder and a behaviour incentive.

Overall, most of the other spanking equipment we own, now feel pretty tame in comparison. It’s a great addition to our ever-growing collection. I would probably advise beginners to stay away from wood as a first spanking tool as it produces a greater sting and could cause some damage if swung by someone with no experience or knowledge of spanking safety. This ruler has great aesthetics, provides some luscious, divine lashes to my backside and it’s super inexpensive. What’s not to like? It’s a piece of kit I have to be in the mood for, but I absolutely love it.


You can purchase the Fifty Shades of Grey Spanking Ruler (£19.99) from Cloud Climax.

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