It wouldn’t be a surprise to any of you that I have a pretty big sex toy collection at this point (I’d estimate about 200 including bondage and things I’m not able to post about yet), so I’ve started to seek out products that have more to them than meets the eye. The Mystery Vibe’s Crescendo definitely ticks that box and its clear from looking at it that this isn’t just another basic vibrator. The prospect of a six-motored, flexible sex toy really had my wheels turning, so I was really grateful (and excited) to be given the chance to review this courtesy of Lovehoney. Thanks folks!
Presented in a classic black box with gold embossed text, I was instantly impressed. First impressions are important and when something costs as much as this vibrator does, I expect the presentation to be perfect. I was not disappointed in that respect. Inside the box, I found an envelope with the words ‘A new world of pleasure awaits you.’ This contained a small cardboard leaflet with product information and diagrams written inside. I thought this was a nice touch and it added to the luxury feel that this product has.
Also in the box, I found the Crescendo itself, a gorgeous quilted storage pouch with satin ties, the charging cable and two black cards. One business card and one that gives the link to register the warranty. Inside the storage pouch there are three different compartments, which I thought was cool as this allows you to store the Crescendo, charging cable and charging pad in the same place without being squashed together.
When I first checked out the charging system I thought that it was a great idea and it seemed rather straight forward. Fast forward fifteen minutes and I’m face-planting my bedroom floor out of frustration. I have always given stick to We-Vibe for their dodgy magnetic chargers and their constant disconnecting, but this takes the cake. The process involves plugging the USB into your chosen port and the other end of the cable into the back of the charging pad, then placing the Crescendo on top and leaving for two hours. Sounds easy, right?
And it is, in theory. But in practice, the minus button on the Crescendo has to perfectly line up with the arrow on the pad. It took a few attempts (and a caffeine break in between) to get the correct positioning nailed. Once I got it, it was simple, but I can’t overlook those initial frustrations I had. The good thing about this system is that it has light indicators to help out. A green light will flash at the back of the charging pad and pink lights will appear on either side of the Crescendo. These will flash until the charge is complete. Both sets of lights will go solid once the battery is full. This takes around two hours and will provide an hour of use, which is apt.
The Mystery Vibe Crescendo is made from a gorgeously soft premium silicone which feels effortlessly smooth and luxurious. It is odourless, latex free, phthalate free, hypoallergenic and completely body-safe. I noticed that it has a little bit of squish in the tip and around the edges, but generally speaking, it is quite firm. It is definitely strong enough to withstand the thousands of positions it will end up in over months/years of use and I have no concerns about it not being able to stand the test of time.
Crescendo’s surface is quite matte but there isn’t a huge amount of drag to it. I would still recommend using a generous coating of water based lubricant with it though, especially if you’re using it as a g-spot vibrator. It doesn’t seem to attract much lint (not as much as I thought anyway) so that’s a bonus, but it could be easily removed if it did as the Crescendo is fully waterproof. It can be submerged in the bath, taken in the shower and cleaned under running water with cleaner or soap. I’ve had no issues when using this in water so far and don’t imagine I will as there’s no open ports for water to get inside.
To use the Crescendo, press and hold any button down for two seconds and the vibrations will begin. To stop, press and hold the < or the > button for two seconds. These arrows cycle through the twelve hand crafted vibrations and the + and – buttons move through the sixteen available intensities. You can also control the vibration patterns through the app, but unfortunately, you cannot change the intensity through the app at the moment. Mystery Vibe claim that this feature will be coming soon though.
How do the vibrations feel? to sum them up in one word – disappointing. You all know that I love my vibrations to be rumbly and strong, but the Crescendo can’t give me those things. I can handle certain types of buzzy vibrations so I don’t mind the lower six or seven intensities much, but once I go past this its game over. The vibrations become the sort that’s high-pitched and bordering on painful. It doesn’t seem to cause any numbing, but the buzzing is so sharp that it causes me discomfort if I leave it on a certain area for longer than thirty seconds at a time. A vibrator is supposed to cause pleasure, not pain, so I was quite gutted to discover that the Crescendo needs some refining.
Back to one of the things that intrigued me most about the Crescendo, its flexibility. It can be bent, maneuvered and manipulated into countless different positions, which means that it should never get boring. You’re never going to experience the exact same thing each time it’s used and I really liked that about it. I did find a couple of formations that worked best for my body though, but I’m sure I will encounter more as I get to know the Crescendo further. I was surprised to find that I could use a couple of formations on my penis-owning partner for stimulation too.
When I use the Crescendo, I like to position it into a come-hither position or a C shape. I think that the come-hither shape provides great attention the g-spot, as it would if it were fingers, but the flat surface allows me to get better coverage. I personally would not have minded if the girth had been increased as it doesn’t cover the entirety of my spot with its slimline width of four inches. I would have been happier with four and a half to five inches. It covers enough for me to be somewhat satisfied, but a little extra would have been welcomed. It has the perfect length though, with nine inches overall and six and a half insertable.
The C shape seems to be the best method for me out of the two. It’s easiest to hold, control and I feel that it allows me to target the tip of the Crescendo to the precise location that I desire pressure. I can also feel the subtle ridges along the shaft when I’m using this vibrator in a C formation and this provides a bit of extra stimulation whilst I’m moving the toy back and forth. Regardless of that, or whichever shape the Crescendo is placed into, I can’t use as much strength as I’d like to. The frequency of the vibrations put me off wanting to use this as a vibrator at all. It’s far too buzzy for me to use clitorally and not strong enough/uncomfortable to use vaginally. It’s such a shame as it has so much potential.
I briefly mentioned earlier that I can also use this on my penis-owning partner and as he doesn’t mind high-frequency vibrations, he makes use out of the higher intensities. He also makes use out of all the patterns. Some are used for teasing, some for prolonging orgasms and some just get his rocks off. It’s the first time that my partner has ever used more strength than I, so that speaks volumes about how much a frequency change could have made this toy better for me. It’s also the first time that my partner has made more use out of a g-spot vibrator than me, so it’s strange how this worked out. It was the complete opposite of what I had expected.
Before I conclude, I have to mention the app. It can be downloaded on the App Store or Google Play Store, so is suitable for those who use Apple or Android devices. Once it has been downloaded, turn your Bluetooth on, start-up the Crescendo and wait for the devices to automatically connect. You can then check out the settings already stored on the vibrator, delete any that don’t work for you and add new ones. I found a couple on the app that I liked more than the pre-set ones so I swapped them over which was a super quick process. You can also use it as a remote control to change through the patterns, but as the intensity cannot be changed through this at the moment I haven’t made a ton of use of this feature.
Overall, I know this review was a long one but there’s so much to know about the Crescendo and for the price it’s going to set you back, it’s worth reading as much feedback as possible before splashing out. I still don’t feel that I’ve explored every possibility with it (I’ve only owned it for a month) so I’m sure there will be some more interesting sessions that follow whilst I play around with it. It’s pretty obvious to me that I won’t be using this as a vibrator (for myself) much as the motors just aren’t right for me.
I can handle the highest intensity on a Doxy with no barriers, so it’s definitely a frequency issue rather than a power one. I would have preferred two or three rumbly motors over six buzzy ones in all honesty. Having said that, I don’t think the Mystery Vibe Crescendo is a bad toy. It might sound like I think that way as this review has had negative tones to it, but it has some positive features too. For me personally, the negatives outweigh the positives on this occasion. I’ll be mostly using this as a bendable dildo rather than a vibrator which sucks considering the expectations I had for this. If the motors were refined, I’d be happy to give it a retrial but as it is now, it’s guilty of being unsuitable for me.
I received the Mystery Vibe Crescendo (£159.99) from Lovehoney in exchange for my honest feedback. Thank you! Some affiliate links have been used within this review.