Event News: Secret Lovejoy Head to Pride Brighton

Are you part of the LGBTQIA community? Will you be heading to this years awesome Pride Event in Brighton? If so, I’m here to tell you all about Secret Lovejoy’s involvement in the event and the gifts they will have up for grabs.

Secret Lovejoy are pleased to announce that they will be participating in the Pride Event in Brighton’s Preston Park on Saturday the 5th August 2017. They will be there for the entire day and would love you to go along and join them for all the fun and games they have organised. They were very successful at the event last year so have arranged an even bigger stand for the upcoming event in order to offer more free gifts and showcase many more of their products.

The additional space means they will be able to set up some fun and games for all pride goers to enjoy, with prizes for those who choose to take part. Be sure to check out their piñata as it will be filled with extra special sex toy products to provide the winners with a memorable, fun-packed weekend. The free gifts that they will be giving away at their stand will include ID Flavoured Lubes, Skins, Durex and Mini Vibes. Secret Lovejoy are aiming to get as many people as possible to register with them during the event and will be offering special discounts for those that do and giving them a voucher code to use. So make sure you sign up and get yourself a great deal on something fun and sexy in celebration of Pride!

If you want to know more information about Secret Lovejoy’s stand, games or prizes then you can check out their website or contact them at customercare@secretlovejoy.com. Alternatively, you can reach them on Twitter at the handle @SLJ42499056. I’d love to hear all about your experiences following this exciting event, so please leave them in the comments section below or drop me an email and let me know how much fun I missed out on!

Let’s Talk: Lube Is Not The Problem

Let's Talk About LubeIt has taken me a while to understand that a lot of people outside of the sex-positive community don’t see lube as a good thing. It can actually be a very sensitive subject to some people and perhaps even taboo in some households. I think this is because there are lots of common misconceptions surrounding these sexual aids and not enough education. I didn’t learn much about lubrication in School and I was taught that it was not something people liked to talk about. It became a shameful, off-limits topic amongst people I knew and nobody came out to set the record straight.

I had to look into the rumours myself, which resulted in exposing a pack of lies and finally learning how to enjoy masturbation and sex. I reached the age of 18 before I realised that lube was a very easy way to avoid the sensation of rug burn inside my vagina and awful friction against my vulva. I didn’t think of it sooner as I was told that I should be producing enough naturally or my partner should focus more on “foreplay”. This is part of the misconception amongst folk that claim a sexual partner is responsible for turning you on and if you can’t get lubricated enough, then there must be something wrong with them, or you.

The use of lubricant in the bedroom has become associated with feeling broken, being lazy and having incompatible/selfish sexual partners. All of these things point to a lack of communication and the misinformation that is spread within culture and the media. I want you to read the next few sentences very carefully and repeat them to yourself as many times as it takes for the information to register in your head. “Using lube does not mean I am not broken. Using lube does not mean that my partner is broken. Using lube does not mean I am bad in bed. Using lube does not mean that my partner is bad in bed.”

Let's Talk About Lube

I’ve received several comments on this topic over the past few months, so I’ve compiled some responses to some of the most frequent comments/questions/responses below.

1. “Why doesn’t my partner get wet enough naturally?”

As you have used the term wet, I am taking that to mean your partner has a vulva. Vaginal dryness is very common and it can happen for numerous reasons. One of the most common culprits is medication. This could be antihistamines, asthma inhalers, antidepressants, birth control etc. If this person has a sudden change in the amount of natural lubrication that they produce after a medication change, it’s very possible that it’s the cause. Medication isn’t the only thing that can affect natural lubrication though, other causes include hormones, menstrual cycles, lack of warm up, age, dehydration and being a perfectly normal human who simply produces less than others. It very often has nothing to do with how aroused a person is. You don’t have to be wet to be aroused. If dryness is an issue for your partner/yourself, lube is your friend. It’s no big deal. Apply some and get going!

2. “My partner gets annoyed with me if I ask to use lubricant as he says I should be wet enough if I was really aroused by him”

I’m going to refer you to the last part of the answer above this question. Lubrication does not indicate how aroused a person is. Some produce more than others, some produce less, some produce enough sometimes, but not others. It’s just how the body works. We are all wired differently. If he does not understand this, please ask him to do some research. If he isn’t interested or willing to give it a try to make you more comfortable, then I believe the answer is finding a different partner who will actually respect your wishes, your body and want to make things as pain-free as possible for you.

3. “How do men feel about it? Don’t they expect a woman to be wet enough?”

I don’t think a man should expect anything from a woman. Nor do I think any partner should “expect” anything from the person they are sleeping with. I have come to realise that many people have unrealistic exceptions of how long it can take a vulva-owner to be ready for sex. Some can be ready to go in minutes, but others need a ton of build-up and even then, lube can be extremely beneficial. It seems that some people are impatient and expect sex to be like porn, where it just happens out of no-where, with seemingly no play beforehand. I would encourage anyone who thinks like this to do some research and become educated on the human body.

4.  “My partner and I tried lubricant but they said it gave them a burning sensation, is this normal?”

If it burned or itched during use, the chances are that you’re using a lubricant that doesn’t agree with you. Step one: Check the ingredients. Does it contain Parabens and/or Glycerin/Glycerine? If yes, chuck it out. I’m going to do a more in-depth post about ingredients at a later date, but for a quick overview, these are things you want to avoid. Glycerin in particular if you own a vulva and are sensitive/prone to UTI’s. If you’ve taken those things out of the equation and are still having problems, remove Propylene Glycol. Following that, check for things that you might be allergic to such as Aloe Vera. I would also advise a trip to the GP or clinic at this point to rule out the possibilities of an STI, UTI or latex allergy.

5. “We’ve used lube before and found it didn’t last long enough”

Water-based lubricants can dry out quickly, that’s a fact. A good thing to note is that they can be reactivated with just a spritz of water. I like to keep a spray bottle by the side of the bed to refresh so we don’t have to stop what we’re doing to reapply. There’s nothing wrong with stopping for a few seconds to top up though, if that’s the method you prefer. If that’s not ideal for you, then I would look at trying a hybrid or silicone based lubricant. Silicone lubricants can’t be used with most silicone sex toys as the materials can interact with each other (there’s more science behind this, but that’s for another post) and they can also interfere with pre-lubed condoms as many of them use the silicone type. If you want a slick, long-lasting glide during sex or water play, silicone is definitely the way to go. Just make sure to get some un-lubricated condoms first.

6. “What lubricants do you recommend?”

Anything by Sliquid, for water-based, I usually use the H20, Sassy or Satin. If I want silicone or hybrid, then I would go for Silver, Organics Silk or Silk. If I want something flavoured/enhancing then I’d opt for anything from the Swirls line (although Green Apple is the best), Sizzle or Organics Natural Sensation.

Another great brand is Pjur. Stay away from the relaxing products though. I like their Silicone Bodyglide Original, Silicone Bodyglide Woman and Woman Nude Sensitive which is water-based.

Let’s Talk: Infertility

Before I get started on this post, I want to tell you that it’s ok not to read this if it’s a post that might upset you. I understand that infertility is not a soft subject and it can be difficult for many people, but I really need to put these feelings out there and vent about some of the comments I’ve been receiving.

So, I’ll guess I’ll start by saying that I am infertile. If you’ve seen my recent tweets, then you’ll already know this as I did post some of my frustration there. I have known this for three to four years now, although I knew it was a possibility for a year before that. The reason for my infertility is not something that I really speak about on my blog or in this community much, which is my eating disorder. I have anorexia and this has ceased my ovulation. I’ve had some fertility tests done in the last couple of years, and despite the possibility of recovery in the future, I was told that it’s not possible for my body to handle a pregnancy due to the other medical problems that I now have.

I feel it’s important to clarify that many womb-owning anorexia recoverers (is that a word?) can go to on to conceive if they are weight restored, have menstruation/ovulate and/or their body has had a period of time to heal. It can take longer for this to happen, but it’s still possible for many people. Whilst this is fantastic news for my friends who suffer, it’s not possible for everyone. I’m one of these people who it’s not possible for.

As I have known since the age of sixteen that it was likely, I have kind of made peace with it. I have accepted it, but it seems that others around me haven’t. I feel like this is lifes way of telling me that it’s just not in the cards for me and honestly, I’m ok with that. I now feel that it’s better if I can’t, because I don’t think I’d be able to deal with it if I bought a child into this world and passed some of my problems onto them. I don’t think it’s fair and I couldn’t bring someone into this world for them to just be miserable. Maybe I am saying things like this to make the news easier to deal with or maybe I actually feel this way, but regardless of whichever it is, I shouldn’t have to deal with the comments, especially from those that I care about, that I am fending off on a regular basis.

Here are just a few of the comments I have received from people, some of which include my family or those who know me offline and are aware of my situation:

  • “What will you do with your life now that can’t have kids?”
  • “Real women can have kids.”
  • “It’s your own fault, if you didn’t do this to yourself, you’d be able to have kids.” (this one is particularly upsetting to me – Anorexia is not something I “did” to myself. It’s something that the mental illness did to me.)
  • “Are you going to adopt? Foster? Get a surrogate? You do want children, right?”
  • “It’s your duty as a girlfriend/wife to give your partner a child.” (Are we still in the sixties?)
  • “Why is he with you if you can’t give him a family?”

I’ll start with the less offensive of these and work through them. The questions regarding wanting children and other methods of fertility. I know many people who can’t have children would love them, so I see why these questions are asked, but it’s the way that these people ask the questions. It’s like they are expecting me to say yes, simply because I’m a woman, and what sort of monster woman doesn’t want them? Well, me. If I can’t have them, then I won’t. I support others who do have children and that’s fantastic for them, but what’s right for them, isn’t right for me and I’m not going to bring a child into this world through some other measure just because society says that I should.

“It’s your duty/why is he with you?” Personally, I think these questions are extremely insensitive and rude. I am actually disgusted by these comments, but I don’t think people realise how hurtful these types of sentences can be. Family is not the be all and end all of a relationship. We can be a family without a child and as long as I satisfy him and he’s happy – why should you care whether a child is involved or not? We are now in 2016, so I really shouldn’t have to defend myself for not having children.

As for the I’ve brought it on my myself and other disgusting comments regarding my mental illness, I have lots to say about that and none of it is pleasant, so I’ll keep those thoughts to myself. Like you should. If you’re a person who’s ever said this to me, I hope you understand how inappropriate and disgusting these comments are. If I didn’t feel bad enough about myself already, I have people like this coming in and making things worse. It’s almost like if it was for any other reason, other than Anorexia, they’d shut up and say nothing. I think that’s what makes this so upsetting to me. If it wasn’t for a mental health reason, they’d just accept it.

Why should I be made to feel bad about not being able to have a child and not wanting to go through other methods to have one? Motherhood is not for everybody and it seems that it’s just not meant to be for me. I find it extremely rude that people suggest I’m less of a woman for not being able to have a child. I am actually a real woman, because I’m a woman. I have thoughts and feelings too and it seems to me that some people forget that and just look at me as though all I am is a womb.

It seems to be a very common thing for people to comment on others fertility and family size throughout a relationship. It starts with “so, when are you getting married?” and leads to “when are we having a grandchild?” – I really believe that people need to stop this. You don’t know the ins and outs of someones relationship, health and life, so you have no idea what these questions stir up in people. If my partner knew about this before our relationship started and he loves me regardless, then why can’t others just leave it alone?

Website Review: Frolicka

As more and more people are beginning to explore sex toys and see them as normal, healthy and fun ways to get some variety into their sex life, the demand for these products has inevitability increased. Due to these rising numbers of people wanting to bring something new to the bedroom (or wherever), more adult shops are beginning to surface and it seems like there is a new one popping up every other week. It can be quite overwhelming to decide between them all and learn where to get the best deals, especially when you’re a newcomer, but even us seasoned shoppers can struggle to look outside of our select handful of stores. I don’t stray out of my usual five stores very often, so I find myself missing out on some great sales and discounts, but thanks to Frolicka, I no longer have to miss out.

What is Frolicka?

Frolicka

Frolicka is a one stop sex shop, with a difference. If you want to get the best deals, but don’t want to go through twenty online shops every time you open your wallet, then Frolicka is the place for you. You can discover thousands of products and compare prices from all of your favourite stores such as Lovehoney, Bondara, Simply Pleasure and many more. If you know what you’re looking for, then you can search by brand, category or sub-category. I’d love to see a few more brands added to that list, such as Tantus and We-Vibe, but many of the most well-known brands such as Rocks Off and Je Joue are listed.

What I like about Frolicka is that within each category, Frolicka have picked out a few standout things and highlighted them above the rest of the content. This includes their favourite company for that category, the best-selling item and some sort of special offer or discount code to use with your purchase.

Not Just a One Stop Sex Shop!

Comparison pricing isn’t the only thing that Frolicka has to offer, oh no. They have so much more content to read through, which is what makes the site stand out from others of its kind. My favourite section is the erotic stories section, which is fondly named ‘Frolics‘. These short erotic stories come from budding authors and are all extremely well-written. Erotica is not something I typically search for, but I do have my select favourite authors and read through posts I see by my fellow bloggers, but I have to admit I was drawn to this section. Once I’d read one of these short stories, I wanted to read them all. So I did. My personal favourite so far is Garage Gratuity.

Relationship Advice, Sex Tips and Reviews.

There’s a section on site called Love, Sex, Intelligence which is primarily filled with relationship advice and sex tips from ‘sexperts’. There’s a great post over by the wonderful Cara Sutra, who gives her take on the top ten sex toys for beginners. There’s not much here yet, but I’m looking forward to seeing how this section grows over time.

There aren’t many reviews currently on Frolicka either, but I hear that this is going to be a prominent feature over the coming months, which is something I’m very much looking forward to. I love reading other people’s opinions, and I think they can be very helpful in deciding whether a toy is worth the spend or not. I can’t wait to see what products are going to be put under the microscope!

Would I use Frolicka/would I recommend it?

Bottom line is yes, I would. I think the site is fantastic, it’s well-designed, clear and easy to navigate. It’s a really helpful tool to save some money and even discover products you didn’t even know existed or you haven’t been able to find elsewhere online. I love the additional content of advice, reviews and erotic fiction and I’m really looking forward to these sections growing over the coming months!