I have reviewed a couple of hundred products on this blog over the past two years and over a hundred of them were in the previous twelve months alone. That is a large number of reviews to have written and yet, I still feel like I’m ambling around in the dark sometimes. I started to feel like I’d found my feet in the last months of 2017 and although there are still things I’d like to change and adjust, I feel like I’m on the right path at last. After I’d spent lots of time on the admin side of things, I decided to take some time to reflect on the posts I’d done over the last year, the products I’d tried and tested and the companies I’ve been lucky enough to work with. I came up with a list of my best and worst sex toys from 2017 and I’m going to kickstart that list off with vibrators.
The best vibrator I tried in 2017 has to be the Zumio Clitoral Stimulator. Yes, it looks unusual, takes forever to charge and doesn’t like it when pressure is applied but I can’t deny the way my body responds to it. I’m a lover of direct contact so the small surface area of the Zumio is perfect for me. The strong sensations resonate through hot spots on and below the surface of my clitoris and bring me to climax within minutes. It’s earned a place inside my bedside table and regular rotation schedule alongside a couple of other new favourites.
Second place goes to So Divine’s Let’s Go Crazy, a heated vibrator that gave me hope that there’s a perfect rabbit out there for every vulva. It fits my anatomy perfectly, has a huge variety of settings and heats up to a temperature that my body definitely agrees with. I never thought I’d be raving about a rabbit this much, but I’m a big fan of this one. Last but not least, third place goes to the Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation. Whilst it’s not technically a vibrator, it has to be said that clitoral stimulators like this one have taken over the sex toy scene of late. This was one of my favourite models and I’m eager to see if anything else can top it in 2018.
As for worst vibrators, I’d have to go with the Vive Ombra. I tried the Minu from the same brand in late 2016 and I felt the same way about that product. I also have the Cleo which I’m yet to review, but I think it’s obvious how that review is going down. All of these vibrators have underpowered, buzzy vibrations that are uncomfortable to hold against bare skin and although I could orgasm with the Ombra if I waited long enough, those testing sessions were the most boring I’ve had in a long time. Life is short, I don’t have time for half-assed, underwhelming orgasms.
Tantus are my must have brand for all things insertable and they released some of their most popular dildos in a new formula of silicone in 2017. I’ve only tried one of them to date but it turned out to be the best dildo I tested all year. The Super Soft Vamp is wonderful for g-spot stimulation, filling vaginal stimulation and anal penetration. I couldn’t use the original Vamp for backdoor sessions as it was simply too firm but this new soft version is comfortable enough for me to manage and achieve fantastic orgasms.
I don’t know if awarding a toy a place on this list that wasn’t released in 2017 is fair, but one of the most enjoyable dildos that I tried this year was an older model from the Pipedream Icicles range. The #24 is beautiful to look at, ideal for anyone with a tentacle fantasy and glorious for fans of texture. It has been one of my most-used insertables over the past several months and I think it will continue to be a firm favourite. Third place is awarded to another toy from the brilliance of Tantus and that is the Uncut #2. Realistic dildos are not usually my thing but the thought of a toy with foreskin intrigued me. It was better than I had anticipated and now I have a toy that’s resembles my partners shape when he’s not around, which I just love. I hope to try the #1 in 2018 and see if that ticks as many boxes.
It’s extremely difficult for me to pick a worst dildo for last year as I didn’t try that many. Last year seemed to consist of vibrators for the most part. I think I only reviewed around ten dildos, most of those from Tantus. My mission for 2018 is to try more insertable toys of all shapes and sizes to see what is out there that I have been missing out on or luckily avoiding. Got any suggestions for me? Let me know in the comments or send over an email.
In 2016 I forgot all about anal products. I was so focused on bondage and dildos that butt plugs and beads got completely overlooked. I made sure that changed in 2017 and anal toys quickly became one of my favourite categories to write reviews for. There was no contest for which toy would be awarded first place in this round. It had to be B-Vibe’s Rimming Plug 2. I was blown away by the strength this beauty had. The rimming sensations felt out of this world and it’s simply one of the most unusual feelings I’ve ever encountered with a sex toy, in all the right ways. The Trio Plug from the same brand is also pretty fantastic and I can’t wait to see more from them in 2018.
There were so many wonderful products that I could have placed at number two but in the end I decided to award it to We-Vibe’s Ditto. Shape wise, this was new to me. I hadn’t tried anything in my butt shaped like this before but it was surprisingly comfortable and secure. It can be worn for hours without any problems and the dimensions make it ideal for newcomers. The remote control allows a partner to be involved and the power was as expected from this wonderful company. It doubles as a clitoral toy too, which makes it even better. Third place goes to another So Divine product – the Sweet Sensation. A classic teardrop shaped plug with a sparkly crystal for extra aesthetic credit and princess play. I spent 2017 recommending this plug to everyone who asked about beginners anal products and now they’ve introduced two new sizes for those at more advanced levels.
The worst anal product was without a doubt the Swiss Navy Silicone Anal Lubricant that I tested for the Pleasure Panel back in April. Lots of the other reviewers reached the same conclusion as me. This lubricant had a confusing consistency, not what I’d usually associate with a silicone-based product, and it just was not thick enough for comfortable anal sex. It contains clove which is supposed to be a mild numbing agent. Whilst I didn’t feel any loss of sensation, I gained an odour to my nostrils that was repulsive. This is one lube that I wouldn’t recommend to anyone. It may even be worse than Durex.
Before we conclude this round-up and get on with 2018, I want to award one company with the title of retailer of the year. This company was one of the rare few that had no ethical problems, social media screw-ups, offensive outbursts or customer service complaints and I believe they deserve to be credited for that. Peepshow Toys are a great company that stock only body-safe products, post helpful guides and articles from sex-positive people and genuinely care about their customers. I worked with them on several product reviews last year and have nothing but good things to say about my experiences with them so far. Please support them by visiting their store and following them on social media!
What were your best and worst sex toys of 2017? Let me know in the comments below!