Okay, so for those new to anal play, or those curious about trying it, it can be a difficult territory to navigate. Especially for men, it is sometimes hard to gain the trust and acceptance needed to try something considered taboo in their daily life. The truth is, IT IS COMPLETELY NATURAL AND PLEASURABLE! In my early years of being sexually active, I myself felt just like you, clueless on how to approach it and scared to even bring up trying it. After getting over that fear iâ€™ve actually learned I climax faster with anal penetration. In this entry, I will outline what anal play is, itsâ€™ different forms, some tips on male and female anal play, and some common myths associated with anal play.
Okay so what is anal play exactly?
Fingering & Fisting
If a straight male engages in anal sex, he will either leave you for a man, or question his sexuality. This is so far from the truth, it should be outlawed as a concern. A straight male having anal sex doesnâ€™t make him gay, and is simply just another kinky way of getting it on. Assuming or accusing your partner of being gay for wanting to try something new will actually cause them to be more self conscious sexually and may cause deeper issues. Lastly, there is nothing wrong with being gay or bi, but shoving something up your butt doesnâ€™t define your sexual preferences, there is no need to question that.
It will hurt/If it hurts the first time it always will. Anal sex, just like vaginal, will usually only hurt if it is done improperly. Like iâ€™ve said previously when starting off small and working your way up it almost never causes pain. If it does hurt, try going slower, a smaller toy, or more lube. If it still feels uncomfortable, or you simply donâ€™t enjoy it, thats fine, continue with your normal routine.
It will cause physical damage or stretch out my anus.First, yes tears can happen. However, they also can happen during vaginal sex. The common cause of sexual injury is either overdoing it, or under lubricating, both of which can be corrected simply by being aware of whats going on and starting slow. Second, for those of you with children, you will be the first to know the amazing capabilities of the vaginal opening. That went back to normal right? The â€œlooseningâ€ some women or men may think they feel is caused by your muscles learning to relax.
Ewww, your butt is so dirty, Why would you put anything up there? Well ladies and gentsâ€™, the truth is your anus has very little fecal matter. Yes there is microscopic bacteria so you shouldnâ€™t go from your butt to any other hole in your body without cleaning first, but its not as gross as youâ€™d think. If you want to get super clean, enemaâ€™s do a quick job of cleaning the area.
- To increase pleasure, add other forms of stimulation to the mix. Not all women climax from anal stimulation by itself. Rub your nipples, double up the penetration or massage your clittorus, the possibilities are endless
- For men, stroking his penis or balls can also add to his experience. Fun fact: rimming your male partner while jerking him off is known as a â€œrusty tromboneâ€. (look at how much weâ€™re learning today)
- Donâ€™t let your partner (or yourself if your playing alone) use the same finger to finger different holes. Same goes for anything that goes in your body. Keep cleaners and wipes handy for proper sanitation.
- Remember to breathe and relax, the more hesitant you are, the more you clench your muscles and then nothing is getting in there. Trust your partner, and trust yourself.
- Lightly clean the area around your anus before sexual activity. You donâ€™t have to do anything outrageous, a simple pass over with a wet wipe is sufficient.
- There is no such thing as â€œto muchâ€ lube. The more the merrier! Apply as needed and to insure a pleasant experience, apply to both the toy/penis/etc and around the anus.
- If using a toy make sure it has a base at the bottom, you donâ€™t want to lose anything back there.
- Make sure you are you communicate what you want and are okay with, and donâ€™t feel pressured to try something you donâ€™t find pleasurable.
- You can still get an STI/STD from anal sex so unless you trust your partner, remember to use a condom.
If after all is said and done, youâ€™ve relaxed, tried toys, fingers, rubbing, etc. and you still donâ€™t find it pleasurable, then thats fine. You should know after the first couple of times whether or not this is something you want to pursue in your daily sex life.